My Outfit

I wake up this morning and I’m a little out of my wits. The Chicago Bears mashed up the Minnesota Vikings to win the division last night and I had some Shock Tops while I watched it. Shock Tops + Bears win = poor effort at work on Tuesday.

I get the clothes out of my closet so I can iron them. Ironing sucks but you can’t just roll into work looking like a pile of wrinkles. Wrinkles are a buster ass look unless you’re a California Raisin. Even then, only their skin was wrinkly but their clothes were legit.

I get dressed and head out the door. I’m going to read the Economist on the bus so I can talk about world events and act smug in front of my friends.

Guess what happens. I look down and realize that I’m wearing blue pants instead of grey pants with my maroon shirt. You could tell me that China just invaded California or something and I wouldn’t be as concerned as I am about this buster ass outfit. In fact, China invading California wouldn’t be close to as bad because at least I could go to Chinafornia to buy pirated PS3 games. However, in the current situation, I look like I raided Willy Wonka’s closet and just threw something together. Willy Wonka isn’t buster but I’m not trying to dress like him. Besides, before I dressed like him I'd like to know where the women and children Oompa-Loompas went. Are they in Loompaland just getting mauled by Whangdoodles? Just gonna leave their orange asses behind because they can’t make candies? That’s a buster ass move, Wonka.

My Outfit is buster. Keep coming back.