Just grab one of the chefs and Yoshi from Shiroi Hana and set their ass up in the corner. Miso soup by the gallon. Spider rolls with enough wasabi to melt my eyeballs. Do me a favor and keep the ginger off of the plate because that stuff is terrible. “Ummm, the ginger cleanses your pallet.” Anyone who says they have a “pallet” is a dickface.
I’m going to spend the rest of the day looking at photos of the Black Eyed Peas and getting angry at their outfits. Jesus Christ with these outfits.
Sushi Superbowl is unbuster. Keep coming back.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Kabob
I was out getting lunch with a friend the other day and there was a special: beef, chicken, or pork kabobs. The sign was confusing because I thought you could have ALL beef, chicken, or pork but choose kabob form if you wanted. I don’t want a kabob, I only want beef.
Turns out this was a dream so I never got to ask whether or not I could have only beef. Even worse, remember that friend I mentioned? No face. Dead serious. I’m just eating some unwanted kabob with a no face? Buster ass move by my brain.
Kabob dream was buster. Keep coming back.
Turns out this was a dream so I never got to ask whether or not I could have only beef. Even worse, remember that friend I mentioned? No face. Dead serious. I’m just eating some unwanted kabob with a no face? Buster ass move by my brain.
Kabob dream was buster. Keep coming back.
Jog
I’m on the treadmill this morning and I finish my workout. I make sure to wipe down the machine because people poop their pants if you don’t do that. Then I make sure to stretch and walk out of the room.
Then I wake up. I just had a dream that I was exercising. Not flying. Not underwater on a submarine. Jogging in my condo complex with WGN news blaring the background. Buster ass move by my brain.
Jog dream was buster. Keep coming back.
Then I wake up. I just had a dream that I was exercising. Not flying. Not underwater on a submarine. Jogging in my condo complex with WGN news blaring the background. Buster ass move by my brain.
Jog dream was buster. Keep coming back.
BOYSNIGHTOUT
There are a couple of friends in town this weekend so I go to meet them at the bar. Girlfriend can’t come because she’s had the flu for about a week. Weeklong flu is buster. Sick girlfriend + out of town friends = BOYSNIGHTOUT = cigarettes. Having a BOYSNIGHTOUT every so often is necessary because it reminds me how terrible I was at picking up women at the bar. “Have sex with me, please. How many drinks for your sex?” Probably less buster then the game I would typically spit when I was single.
Friend #1 lives in Madison, WI and was in town for a job interview. I’m a little fuzzy because there were beers but I’m pretty sure he said that he’d turn down a job if they made him shave his beard. If you need a beard that badly in order to define who you are then you’re about as buster as it gets. Nobody gives a shit about your beard, shave it. Friend #1 also told me that I need to post more often in order to read the blog. Bro, do you know how hard it is to come up with stuff to write? It’s not every day that a homeless guy takes a dump on the train so I can write about it. Unreachable expectations are buster.
Friend #2 lives in Boulder, CO and he likes riding his bicycle. I recently visited Friend #2 in Colorado and we ate chicken wings for 5 out of the 6 meals out there. Eating dark meat chicken wings covered in hot sauce non-stop for 3 days straight? Buster ass move, according to my stomach. Friend #2 was in town for a work event and he gave me his card. I don’t understand his job even though he’s explained it to me a bunch of times. It's something with robot medicine, I'm pretty sure.
Recap of the night: Gaslight = not buster. Faith & Whiskey = a little more buster then Gaslight but not bad; dude just slept in the bathroom for an hour. Beaumonts = I can’t even tell if this is buster because of beers. Irish exit from Beaumonts = not buster, standard operating procedure. California Pizza at 4 AM = goddamnit.
BOYSNIGHTOUT isn’t buster. Keep coming back.
Friend #1 lives in Madison, WI and was in town for a job interview. I’m a little fuzzy because there were beers but I’m pretty sure he said that he’d turn down a job if they made him shave his beard. If you need a beard that badly in order to define who you are then you’re about as buster as it gets. Nobody gives a shit about your beard, shave it. Friend #1 also told me that I need to post more often in order to read the blog. Bro, do you know how hard it is to come up with stuff to write? It’s not every day that a homeless guy takes a dump on the train so I can write about it. Unreachable expectations are buster.
Friend #2 lives in Boulder, CO and he likes riding his bicycle. I recently visited Friend #2 in Colorado and we ate chicken wings for 5 out of the 6 meals out there. Eating dark meat chicken wings covered in hot sauce non-stop for 3 days straight? Buster ass move, according to my stomach. Friend #2 was in town for a work event and he gave me his card. I don’t understand his job even though he’s explained it to me a bunch of times. It's something with robot medicine, I'm pretty sure.
Recap of the night: Gaslight = not buster. Faith & Whiskey = a little more buster then Gaslight but not bad; dude just slept in the bathroom for an hour. Beaumonts = I can’t even tell if this is buster because of beers. Irish exit from Beaumonts = not buster, standard operating procedure. California Pizza at 4 AM = goddamnit.
BOYSNIGHTOUT isn’t buster. Keep coming back.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Doughy Pizza
I’m a big fan of cooking. My dad was always the cook in the house so I used to watch him while he worked over the stove. A lot of kids have memories of playing catch with their dad but not me. I remember watching my dad create red wine reduction sauces while he yelled at me for not paying attention during math tests. I forgot to make the fractions have a common denominator AND didn’t double check my work? Buster ass move, according to my dad. Long story short, I now enjoy cooking and can add fractions.
One of my favorite things to make is pizza and it’s because dough is the best thing ever created. “Oh, there’s so many complex carbs. Those take a while to burn off” True, but nobody forces you to eat 3,000 calories worth of bread, fatty. Guess what happens if you eat 3,000 calories worth of carrots a day? You’re still chunky and you smell like a pet store. Atkins diet is buster.
I was recently out on a shopping trip and bought a pizza stone. Pizza stones, if you aren’t familiar, are the second greatest thing ever created. It’s like having a brick oven in the condo.
I get the process going by letting the yeast and sugar have sex to make yeast gas baby children. That sounds weird, but it’s in the ball park of what happens. Then, after mixing in the flour I let the dough rise for about 90 minutes. Not letting dough rise long enough is buster. I remove the dough and it feels a little bit sticky but not too bad; I figure it’ll be fine once I get it onto the pizza stone which was a stupid move. I should have added more flour. I spread the dough and add the rest of the ingredients. Bacon + caramelized red onions + goat cheese = most unbuster pizza you’re ever going to find. Goat cheese is a wild card for 2011; that stuff just puts it on you and doesn't take it off. I take the pizza out after about 10 minutes and the bottom is stuck to the stone. Buster ass move. Girlfriend tries a piece. It’s not cooked all the way through so it’s way too doughy. I actually want God to kill me in the kitchen at this moment. I pop the pizza back into the oven for about 7 minutes to try and cook it a little more. It tastes better, but it’s still not great. I’ve got a doughy ass pizza and a dough covered pizza stone on my hands. Buster ass situation.
Doughy Pizza is buster. Keep coming back.
One of my favorite things to make is pizza and it’s because dough is the best thing ever created. “Oh, there’s so many complex carbs. Those take a while to burn off” True, but nobody forces you to eat 3,000 calories worth of bread, fatty. Guess what happens if you eat 3,000 calories worth of carrots a day? You’re still chunky and you smell like a pet store. Atkins diet is buster.
I was recently out on a shopping trip and bought a pizza stone. Pizza stones, if you aren’t familiar, are the second greatest thing ever created. It’s like having a brick oven in the condo.
I get the process going by letting the yeast and sugar have sex to make yeast gas baby children. That sounds weird, but it’s in the ball park of what happens. Then, after mixing in the flour I let the dough rise for about 90 minutes. Not letting dough rise long enough is buster. I remove the dough and it feels a little bit sticky but not too bad; I figure it’ll be fine once I get it onto the pizza stone which was a stupid move. I should have added more flour. I spread the dough and add the rest of the ingredients. Bacon + caramelized red onions + goat cheese = most unbuster pizza you’re ever going to find. Goat cheese is a wild card for 2011; that stuff just puts it on you and doesn't take it off. I take the pizza out after about 10 minutes and the bottom is stuck to the stone. Buster ass move. Girlfriend tries a piece. It’s not cooked all the way through so it’s way too doughy. I actually want God to kill me in the kitchen at this moment. I pop the pizza back into the oven for about 7 minutes to try and cook it a little more. It tastes better, but it’s still not great. I’ve got a doughy ass pizza and a dough covered pizza stone on my hands. Buster ass situation.
Doughy Pizza is buster. Keep coming back.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Scuffed Bookcase
I’ve wanted to get a bookshelf for quite a while. It’s primarily to hide the ugly ass phone jack on the wall but a bookshelf is also a great way to make visitors feel bad about themselves. “Yes, I read economics books for fun. Don’t you? Hmmm, well it isn’t for everyone I guess.” That may sound elitist but you don’t know how often I go to work with ketchup stains on my pants. I’m more of an extremely literate toddler. Another good reason for having a bookshelf is because it increases your chances of librarian sex. Librarian sex is not buster but it’s probably very quiet.
Girlfriend comes to help and the first store we visit is closed until 11:00. That’s cool, there’s a gas station café nearby so we can kill some time. After coffee and Hostess Donettes we head back to the store at 11:15. Still closed. Buster ass move.
We eventually get into the store and see that the prices are about as buster as you’re going to get so we head to Target up the street. I find what I need in about 10 minutes but girlfriend needs to spend additional time in the lamp aisle. I’m confused because this was not a lamp shopping trip.
The new purchase gets put on the floor and sits there until Sunday at about 4 PM. It would have gotten done earlier but hangover + Bears playoff game = couch time. On a side note, Jay Cutler’s game was not buster but he didn’t smile enough for Rick Reilly. Rick Reilly has a face like a fart warehouse. I open the box and take out what seems like a dozen pieces of wood and 40 screws. I look at the directions and it’s very possible that I’m going to throw up but that’s not the biggest issue. I’m going through all of the pieces of wood and they’re all busted and scuffed up. Really Target? I’m basically the president of your fan club and you’re going to sell me scuffed up bookshelves? Buster ass move. You think librarian sex is going down with this scuffed up piece? Hell no. Maybe some hand stuff over the jeans but that’s about it.
Scuffed Bookcase is buster. Keep coming back.
Girlfriend comes to help and the first store we visit is closed until 11:00. That’s cool, there’s a gas station café nearby so we can kill some time. After coffee and Hostess Donettes we head back to the store at 11:15. Still closed. Buster ass move.
We eventually get into the store and see that the prices are about as buster as you’re going to get so we head to Target up the street. I find what I need in about 10 minutes but girlfriend needs to spend additional time in the lamp aisle. I’m confused because this was not a lamp shopping trip.
The new purchase gets put on the floor and sits there until Sunday at about 4 PM. It would have gotten done earlier but hangover + Bears playoff game = couch time. On a side note, Jay Cutler’s game was not buster but he didn’t smile enough for Rick Reilly. Rick Reilly has a face like a fart warehouse. I open the box and take out what seems like a dozen pieces of wood and 40 screws. I look at the directions and it’s very possible that I’m going to throw up but that’s not the biggest issue. I’m going through all of the pieces of wood and they’re all busted and scuffed up. Really Target? I’m basically the president of your fan club and you’re going to sell me scuffed up bookshelves? Buster ass move. You think librarian sex is going down with this scuffed up piece? Hell no. Maybe some hand stuff over the jeans but that’s about it.
Scuffed Bookcase is buster. Keep coming back.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Deli Lines
This past Sunday I go to the grocery store to pick up lunch stuff for the week. I bring the lunch to save money but there is a huge downside. The communal refrigerator. There isn’t a more awful place on earth then the communal refrigerator; just a food graveyard of labeled leftovers and half finished bottles of soda. Everything just sits in there forever because as soon as you toss a 3 week old container of beef stew you hear from some crazy lady who wanted her moldy ass beef stew for lunch that day. And don’t misjudge the situation; people will go to the mattresses for their leftovers. Communal fridge is a buster ass situation that I stay away from.
Since I stay away from the communal fridge I’m limited to sandwiches for lunch. My sandwiches are pretty boring because I don’t add mayo or tomatoes or mustard or anything. Mayo or tomato on a sandwich for 5 hours before lunch? That’s a soggy ass bread situation.
One way to make a sandwich a little bit better is by buying better ingredients such as bakery bread and pre-packaged deli cheeses. You ever have challah bread from the bakery? Probably the most unbuster form of complex carbohydrates out there. Shit is bananas.
While I’ll buy some nice bakery bread and some nice pre-packaged deli cheese I don’t buy deli meats because the deli counter is one of the more buster places that you’re ever going to imagine; just a terrible roster of characters in the deli line. You’ve got the lady who’s got no idea what she wants. Seriously? Did you just wander over to the deli counter by mistake? You couldn’t make the turkey vs. chicken decision on the walk over here? I have to watch you debate this right now? Buster ass move. Even worse is the person who orders 20 different things. One type of turkey isn’t enough? You really need a quarter pound of 8 different types of meats and 4 different types of cheeses? This isn’t Top Chef; limit your turkey and cheese variations. There’s a line and you’re trying to become some buster ass Gordon Ramsey. Man, I hate the supermarket.
Deli Lines are buster. Keep coming back.
Since I stay away from the communal fridge I’m limited to sandwiches for lunch. My sandwiches are pretty boring because I don’t add mayo or tomatoes or mustard or anything. Mayo or tomato on a sandwich for 5 hours before lunch? That’s a soggy ass bread situation.
One way to make a sandwich a little bit better is by buying better ingredients such as bakery bread and pre-packaged deli cheeses. You ever have challah bread from the bakery? Probably the most unbuster form of complex carbohydrates out there. Shit is bananas.
While I’ll buy some nice bakery bread and some nice pre-packaged deli cheese I don’t buy deli meats because the deli counter is one of the more buster places that you’re ever going to imagine; just a terrible roster of characters in the deli line. You’ve got the lady who’s got no idea what she wants. Seriously? Did you just wander over to the deli counter by mistake? You couldn’t make the turkey vs. chicken decision on the walk over here? I have to watch you debate this right now? Buster ass move. Even worse is the person who orders 20 different things. One type of turkey isn’t enough? You really need a quarter pound of 8 different types of meats and 4 different types of cheeses? This isn’t Top Chef; limit your turkey and cheese variations. There’s a line and you’re trying to become some buster ass Gordon Ramsey. Man, I hate the supermarket.
Deli Lines are buster. Keep coming back.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sunday Laundry
I wake up on Sunday and it was clearly going to be most buster of days in 2011 (10 days in, but still). If you read the previous post you heard a little bit about my Saturday; shit got weird. How weird? 4:30 AM gyro plate weirdness. That’s goddamned weird. Nobody needs that. The problem isn’t the hangover; I can just slam water and stare at the fish tank to deal with that. The problem is that Sunday is laundry day which is a concern. Worrying about throwing up in the laundry room at the condo complex is a buster ass way to live your life.
One reason laundry on Sunday sucks is because everyone is down there at the same time so it’s very possible that you get skunked. I brought my laundry all the way down here and there’s no open washing machines? I’m going to hang myself. Dead serious.
The worst part of Sunday laundry is dealing with the other peopled that are down there. Not having clean socks for work on Monday is a buster ass scenario so everyone is on edge during laundry day. Nobody wants to be there and anything that extends laundry day pisses you off. This past Sunday I took the last two machines and skunked the guy who came in right after me. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him because we both know what happened and I could feel the dagger eyes all over me. Listen bro, I’m in the same situation as you, alright? I’ve been wearing t-shirts out of the hamper since Friday night and you’re just gonna give me eye daggers when I take two machines? Don’t give me eye daggers. I don’t know who the buster ass right now. Is it me for taking machines? Is it the other guy for dagger eyes? I think that it’s more of the situation then anything. I hate Sunday Laundry.
Sunday Laundry is buster. Keep coming back.
One reason laundry on Sunday sucks is because everyone is down there at the same time so it’s very possible that you get skunked. I brought my laundry all the way down here and there’s no open washing machines? I’m going to hang myself. Dead serious.
The worst part of Sunday laundry is dealing with the other peopled that are down there. Not having clean socks for work on Monday is a buster ass scenario so everyone is on edge during laundry day. Nobody wants to be there and anything that extends laundry day pisses you off. This past Sunday I took the last two machines and skunked the guy who came in right after me. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him because we both know what happened and I could feel the dagger eyes all over me. Listen bro, I’m in the same situation as you, alright? I’ve been wearing t-shirts out of the hamper since Friday night and you’re just gonna give me eye daggers when I take two machines? Don’t give me eye daggers. I don’t know who the buster ass right now. Is it me for taking machines? Is it the other guy for dagger eyes? I think that it’s more of the situation then anything. I hate Sunday Laundry.
Sunday Laundry is buster. Keep coming back.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Bar Stander
I go out on Saturday to catch the playoff games. NFL playoffs are not buster in any form unless you took the Saints -10 in which case you probably want to punch Marshawn Lynch and the New Orleans secondary in the face. That was some buster ass tackling on that play.
The first game starts up at 3:30 so it’s absolutely necessary that I start drinking by then. Days like this usually end with me eating hamburgers at 3 AM on Sunday morning.
The day was spent between playoff games and Playstation Move. After the pre-party we decided to head out and meet up with a larger group. I eat some chicken tenders in order to avoid blacking out at 9. My day was sports, videogames, and chicken tenders; I’m basically a 12 year old with a beard.
After dinner we go to Halligan which, on its best day, is a C+ bar. It’s not the most expensive bar but that’s all it has going for it. That bar is way too crowded and the layout creates a terrible bottleneck that’s a pain in the ass to get through. Crowded bars are buster but that’s the choice of group so I make the best of it by pouring $4 Bud Lights into my face. The Bud Lights are flowing, the arguments are basically non-stop, and I’m creeping out all types of girls from Depaul; this night is going very well. I go to the bar to get another Bud Light and I see you. You’ve got a full beer and you’re just standing with your back leaning against the bar. Buster ass move. Bro, this bar is bursting at the seams with people and you’re just going to stand there trying to make a scene. Nobody gives a shit about you or your cable knit hat; move your ass so other people can order drinks. You think I’m going to respect your personal space and go around you? Incorrect; enjoy feeling my dong rub up on your leg as I push in to get cocktails.
Bar Stander is buster. Keep coming back.
The first game starts up at 3:30 so it’s absolutely necessary that I start drinking by then. Days like this usually end with me eating hamburgers at 3 AM on Sunday morning.
The day was spent between playoff games and Playstation Move. After the pre-party we decided to head out and meet up with a larger group. I eat some chicken tenders in order to avoid blacking out at 9. My day was sports, videogames, and chicken tenders; I’m basically a 12 year old with a beard.
After dinner we go to Halligan which, on its best day, is a C+ bar. It’s not the most expensive bar but that’s all it has going for it. That bar is way too crowded and the layout creates a terrible bottleneck that’s a pain in the ass to get through. Crowded bars are buster but that’s the choice of group so I make the best of it by pouring $4 Bud Lights into my face. The Bud Lights are flowing, the arguments are basically non-stop, and I’m creeping out all types of girls from Depaul; this night is going very well. I go to the bar to get another Bud Light and I see you. You’ve got a full beer and you’re just standing with your back leaning against the bar. Buster ass move. Bro, this bar is bursting at the seams with people and you’re just going to stand there trying to make a scene. Nobody gives a shit about you or your cable knit hat; move your ass so other people can order drinks. You think I’m going to respect your personal space and go around you? Incorrect; enjoy feeling my dong rub up on your leg as I push in to get cocktails.
Bar Stander is buster. Keep coming back.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Broken CTA Card
I wake up early this morning to go jogging. I hear the story about the homeless dude with a killer voice who got a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Redemption stories are not buster. However, the story mentions that he went to school to study radio broadcasting before he was homeless. What? What kind of classes can you take? Talk into the goddamned microphone and you’re on the radio. Class dismissed.
The lights stay off when I get ready because I don’t want to wake up the fish. That’s one of the more buster ass sentences I’m ever going to write. Since when do fish run the goddamned show at my condo? Since December’s fish suicide/murder spree, that’s when.
Bus Tracker says the bus is getting here in four minutes. No time for the elevator; I take the emergency stairs. I get to the bus stop with 3 ½ minutes to spare but showing up a minute late and missing the bus is some kind of unquantifiable level of buster. Stephen Hawking couldn’t even wrap his mind around how buster that situation is.
I get on the bus and scan my wallet with the card in it. Nothing happens. No problem, I’ll just take the card out. I scan the card by itself. Nothing happens. I’m starting to sweat. I let the people behind me get on the bus because making someone stand there while you act like a dickbag on the bus is a buster move. I keep on scanning this card while the bus driver pulls away. Bend the card the bus driver tells me. Bend the card? What kind of Mickey Mouse operation is the CTA running where you just bend shit to make it work? I bend the hell out of the card and nothing is happening. We pull up to another stop and I have to get out of the way to let more people on. Not only do I look like a goofball in front of the entire bus but now I’m losing seats as well? Buster ass situation. The bus driver tells me to forget it and go check with the CTA office about what’s going on. I appreciate the driver taking the high road on this issue but I really have to go to the CTA offices? Goddamn, I could start a whole new blog about how buster that office is. People just walking around with dumps in their pants and what not.
Broken CTA Card is buster. Keep coming back.
The lights stay off when I get ready because I don’t want to wake up the fish. That’s one of the more buster ass sentences I’m ever going to write. Since when do fish run the goddamned show at my condo? Since December’s fish suicide/murder spree, that’s when.
Bus Tracker says the bus is getting here in four minutes. No time for the elevator; I take the emergency stairs. I get to the bus stop with 3 ½ minutes to spare but showing up a minute late and missing the bus is some kind of unquantifiable level of buster. Stephen Hawking couldn’t even wrap his mind around how buster that situation is.
I get on the bus and scan my wallet with the card in it. Nothing happens. No problem, I’ll just take the card out. I scan the card by itself. Nothing happens. I’m starting to sweat. I let the people behind me get on the bus because making someone stand there while you act like a dickbag on the bus is a buster move. I keep on scanning this card while the bus driver pulls away. Bend the card the bus driver tells me. Bend the card? What kind of Mickey Mouse operation is the CTA running where you just bend shit to make it work? I bend the hell out of the card and nothing is happening. We pull up to another stop and I have to get out of the way to let more people on. Not only do I look like a goofball in front of the entire bus but now I’m losing seats as well? Buster ass situation. The bus driver tells me to forget it and go check with the CTA office about what’s going on. I appreciate the driver taking the high road on this issue but I really have to go to the CTA offices? Goddamn, I could start a whole new blog about how buster that office is. People just walking around with dumps in their pants and what not.
Broken CTA Card is buster. Keep coming back.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Fire Coffee
I get off the bus today and head towards Caribou Coffee. My typical coffee spot is 7-11 because they’ll sell you a gallon of coffee for $1.07 and all you have to do is deal with some aggressive panhandling outside; no big deal. However, right now it’s too cold to walk from 7-11 to the office. I’ll tell people that I’ve got no change but this weather is just a buster ass situation.
I get in line and can tell the person in front of me is going to have a dickhead order. If there are more than 6 words to your coffee order then you need to get hit with a sock full of pennies. Move your ass.
I notice that there are small slices of the breakfast sandwiches that Caribou is coming out with. I want a piece but I don’t take one; the cashier never mentions it. I know it’s very unlikely that there are just tiny pieces of sandwich for sale but I don’t want to risk getting called out for taking one when I’m not supposed to. Getting chastised by cashiers is buster.
Then I get the coffee and there are always two things to work out with the coffee. The first is room for cream. Personally, I laugh when the barista asks “room for cream?” because I think it could be a fairly solid pick up line at bars. I’m not asked today but it doesn’t matter because they’ve given me room which is smart; if you don’t give me the room then you’ve got coffee dumped into the trash can and liquids in the trash is a buster ass situation. The second thing to work on is the heat of the coffee. Every coffee place I go to needs to pump the brakes on their coffee cooking heat. I’m not a demon; I don’t like my coffee to be the temperature of the sun. I know that it requires heat to make the coffee but you guys are just going over the line. Now I’ve got to take the top off and let it sit for a few minutes which is a buster ass situation. How am I supposed to start my day? Answering e-mails? Go to hell.
Fire Coffee is buster. Keep coming back.
I get in line and can tell the person in front of me is going to have a dickhead order. If there are more than 6 words to your coffee order then you need to get hit with a sock full of pennies. Move your ass.
I notice that there are small slices of the breakfast sandwiches that Caribou is coming out with. I want a piece but I don’t take one; the cashier never mentions it. I know it’s very unlikely that there are just tiny pieces of sandwich for sale but I don’t want to risk getting called out for taking one when I’m not supposed to. Getting chastised by cashiers is buster.
Then I get the coffee and there are always two things to work out with the coffee. The first is room for cream. Personally, I laugh when the barista asks “room for cream?” because I think it could be a fairly solid pick up line at bars. I’m not asked today but it doesn’t matter because they’ve given me room which is smart; if you don’t give me the room then you’ve got coffee dumped into the trash can and liquids in the trash is a buster ass situation. The second thing to work on is the heat of the coffee. Every coffee place I go to needs to pump the brakes on their coffee cooking heat. I’m not a demon; I don’t like my coffee to be the temperature of the sun. I know that it requires heat to make the coffee but you guys are just going over the line. Now I’ve got to take the top off and let it sit for a few minutes which is a buster ass situation. How am I supposed to start my day? Answering e-mails? Go to hell.
Fire Coffee is buster. Keep coming back.
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