Potbelly's Eyebang

I'm at Potbelly's getting a sandwich for lunch. Potbelly's is not buster and is probably the top contender for chain sandwich stores even though Subway is always solid and Quizno's is basically a 4 star restaurant. Jimmy Johns is meh; I only liked those things in college when I was hammed and it didn't get another visit once the taco stand opened. The ISU taco stand was in no way buster. If you've got Blimpies ranked #1 then you're favorite food is probably hooker fingers or something. You're a weirdo.

I wait in line to order and, of course, I'm behind 4 people who've never seen a Potbellys before and need to have everything explained to them. Seriously, bro? The difference between "regular" and "big" is going to throw you? Are you a martian? Move your ass.

I see the guy making sandos and he looks like my little cousin but I'm not sure. Could he work here? Sure, I guess. I'm not sure if it's him. Do I say hi? That's awkward if it's not him. Do I not look at him? That's awkward if it is him. I didn't sign up for all this; I just wanted a sandwich. I decide that my best bet is to get a good look at the guy and decide then.

He looks right at me. That's not my cousin. He continues to look. I can't break the stare. I'm just eyebanging this kid to death right now and I don't know what to do. I smile. Jesus Christ, why do I smile? Is there a more awkward thing to do when you get caught eyebanging then smile? Just a Jefferey Dahmer look right there and that's a buster ass look.

Potbelly's Eyebang was buster. Keep coming back.

My Bracket

Pittsburgh – Wow, you are a farty fart patch in a fart stand. Your school is nothing more than a halfway house for convicts who want to play sports, apparently, and Dave Wannstedt has a mustache that’s so out of style it's almost hipster. You guys stink.

Louisville – I had you going to the final 4 and instead you fall to Morehead State. All your state is good at is horses and booze. You guys are jerks.

Kentucky – I don’t want to be mean to the state twice but you lost an important game to WVU, a school whose most popular major is “Get any degree and avoid dying in a coal mine 101.” Your coach reminds me of the guy who tries to bang the drunkest girl at the party and the next day tells everyone how skanky she was. I hate your faces.

Syracuse – Your mascot is stupid and you lost to a state that is only useful for beer brats. Wisconsin stinks and Miller Lite sucks anyways and that spelling annoys me. Go suck an egg.

My Bracket is buster. Keep coming back.

EDIT:
Man, I can't even read the bracket correctly. Kentucky beat WVU, not the other way around. Everything else I said still holds. I'm accountable.

Collar Bone

So I'm walking around the gym minding my own business and working on fitness. Some guy stops me and tells me I'm sticking my collar bone out too far. He starts to show me that in order to have proper posture you need to slouch a little to keep the collar bone pointed down. I'm totally weirded out and decide that visiting the gym so early is exposing me to weirdos.

Then I wake up. Buster move by my brain because I really don't need my subconcious getting on my ass about posture. Is that even true about the collar bone? I don't think it's supposed to stick out. Either way I spent about 10 minutes yesterday looking at my c-bone worrying about it sticking out too much.

Collar Bone dream was buster. Keep coming back.

Finding Atlantis

Popular Science - All the news about devastating tsunamis is drawing greater attention to a new claim that researchers have found the lost city of Atlantis — buried in mud on the southern tip of Spain. Scientists say they have found proof of a 4,000-year-old civilization that was buried by a tsunami.

Someone explain to me what Atlantis was supposed to be. I was under the impression that it was a city on the ocean floor where Poseidon slayed mermaid ass all day and created sea monsters. Now it turns out that it was a city built below sea level? That’s way less impressive. I go from sex with fish women to poor city planning? Buster ass move.

Finding Atlantis is buster ass news. Keep coming back.

St. Pats Top Shelf

Here's some top shelf parts about St. Pats:

1) Day drinking - It's awesome as anything that's ever been awesome. I love it.
2) I'll be drunk - I'm delightful.
3) Piss off, snow - St. Pats, for me, is the first day of spring because everyone gets together for a day long bar crawl to celebrate surviving 3 months of the sun going down at 3:15 in the afternoon. Nothing symbolizes the changing of the seasons like blooming flowers, birds chirping, and me forcing beer into my face at 10:45 in the morning.
4) FIGHTS – FIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHT.
5) M&M’s shirt – I have a M&M’s t-shirt that is the greatest thing ever invented. The M&M’s are painting themselves green and it’s awesome. Girlfriend hates it more then anything on earth but I don’t care because I’m out to celebrate that Irish guy who killed all the snakes. I’m pretty sure that’s right.

St. Pats top shelf is unbuster. Keep coming back.

St. Pats Shizzys

Don’t get me wrong, I love St. Patricks day but there are a few buster elements:

1) Pooping in bars. Taking a #2 in the bar is always a possibility on St. Pats and that’s just the worst. Absolutely no privacy and people are liable to yell at you because dressing in shamrocks and getting canned at 10 AM brings out the worst in people.
2) Irish politics talks. It’s guaranteed, that around 4 PM I’ll see a red haired kid, assume he’s an Irish national, and ask him about the recent parliamentary election. I’m already annoyed at myself.
3) Destination weekenders. It’s never good when the city population grows by 50,000 people who only want to get canned. "Welcome to Chicago, please piss everywhere and try to vomit if possible." I don't pay 30.3% sales tax for these dicks to piss all over. I PAY THE WORKERS THAT CLEAN THAT PISS!

St. Pats Shizzys are buster. Keep coming back.

Private Staring

A lot of people think it’s gross to scratch yourself in public.

I think it’s gross that you’re staring at my privates. Get a different hobby, weirdo.

Private Staring is a buster scene. Keep coming back.

Shitty Shopping Carts

Fox News - The next time you head to the grocery store, you might want to arm yourself with some antibacterial wipes, and maybe some disposable gloves before you grab a shopping cart.

That’s because those carts are actually dirtier than a public bathroom, according to researchers at the University of Arizona, who swabbed the handles of 85 carts in four states looking for bacterial contamination, USA Today reported.

What field of study do tests like these fall under? Biology? How pumped can you be about this experiment? Go to school to do top level research on biological diseases and end up writing reports about people scratching their privates in the cereal aisle. I could have told you from the start and saved you a bunch of tuition money, bro. People are the grossest thing out there.

Shitty Shopping Carts are buster news. Keep coming back.

JC Yelling

Just rolled past a dude yelling at the church van by the L track. He was pointing at the side of the van and yelling “In the name of Jesus Christ....” and other assorted ramblings along with that. For me, there are only two ways to feel when I hear JC’s name come into play:

“In the name of Jesus Christ” in church = This is nice. I feel excited for me friends who are getting married. I’m assuming that everyone is like me and only attends church for marriages.

“In the name of Jesus Christ” anywhere else = RUN. I'm about to get stabbed in the throat by a homeless man.

JC Yelling is a buster scene. Keep coming back.

Owl Kicking

Washington Post - Soccer fans are crying fowl over kicking an owl. In fact, they're crying a lot worse.

An apologetic player is facing sanctions after he kicked an injured owl that landed on the field during a game in Colombia on Sunday. The owl was a mascot for the opposing team and was being treated Monday at a veterinary clinic in Barranquilla. The bird is expected to recover from a slight fracture of its right leg.

Spoiler alert, the bird is dead. Buster ass move by the Washington Post getting my hopes up.

Either this dude is a dick or Central Americans know very little about caring for birds. Is the bird hurt? Hmm. Kick the goddamned thing to see if it can fly. C'mon, that's buster ass reasoning no matter what continent you're on.

Owl Kicking is buster ass news. Keep coming back.

Roster Moves

ESPN Chicago - Chicago Bears general manager Jerry Angelo held true to his statement Friday about the club's plan to make several roster moves this week.

The Bears announced the release of defensive tackle Tommie Harris on Monday, and terminated the contracts of linebacker Hunter Hillenmeyer and offensive lineman Kevin Shaffer.

Not terribly surprising since Tommie was invisible up until week 12 or so and had a monster contract. Still, you gotta worry that his knee comes back 100% and he starts slicing through gaps like he did in 2006. Just mashing faces every single play back then.

Hunter Hillenmeyer was a nice piece but wasn't ever going to break into the starting lineup. This probably means that we'll see a LB taken in the 4th round and promptly discover that he doesn't know how to jog or something. Angelo has been brutal on draft day the past few years.

Kevin Shaffer. Meh. Outside of Kreutz, Garza, and maybe Webb there isn't anyone on the line who's guaranteed to be on the team next year. Someone step up and protect the franchise because you know Martz has 11 step drops somewhere in the playbook and they're getting called no matter what.

Roster Moves are unbuster Bears news. Keep coming back.