J&S Nuptials (part 2)

Continued from part 1.

-Good morning, girlfriend. You’re going to get out of bed and start helping set up? I’m thinking more along the lines of me laying here like a turd until 11 or so.
-Hello, internet, what’s new today. Olin Kreutz is leaving Chicago? But we don’t have another center on the roster; what gives? Is Jerry Angelo about to fuck up a perfectly good wedding with his buster ass roster moves? I think he is.
-Lunch with L and some more of Muscatine’s finest. Probably nothing on the menu but Heinz Ketchup. Get it? LOL.
-I’m not big on bashing the suburbs because that’s where I grew up but goddamn this search for a restaurant. Take one wrong turn and you’re just driving for 10 miles past nothing but hotels and business parks. Where do you people eat food!
-Walker Pancake House. Sure, they’ll serve you a bloody mary.
-Haha, no, they certainly will not. It’s apparently IHOP with less American flag t-shirts among the clientele. My apologies.
-Everyone else had a hard time finishing their meal? Uh, me to. Nevermind that I’ve got syrup in my beard from licking my plate.
-Back to the hotel for a little rest and getting ready. Girlfriend visits and tells me that she’s heard I was the drunkest person at the bar last night. Snitching is buster as it gets.
-This outfit is a certified dick wrecker. I even trimmed the neck beard; going all out tonight.
-Shuttle to the barn driven by an old dude who’s gonna HATE everyone when we ride back later on tonight.
-Outside wedding. Bride's side is in the sun. Tough break.
-Groom looks a little bit Amish and is absolutely dick wrecking with the suspenders.
-Girlfriend looks great.
-Bride looks stunning.
-I realize that “stunning” > “great” but it’s alright for Girlfriend to be #2 hottie at someone’s wedding, right? I’ll find out when she eventually reads this, I bet.
-Father of the bride is walking out with rolled up suit sleeves. J can’t believe how boss that move is. I can’t believe how well J put it; “boss move” is the only way to describe what I’m seeing walking down the aisle.
-Great readings by the siblings. Ever gone to a wedding and then thought about how little the human species matters given the size of the universe? I have.
-Great promises between the bride and groom. Quirky and clearly tailored to each other but now I’m left wondering what a “Science Friday” consists of. Reading about photosynthesis while doing shots? Is it just a screening of ‘Tron?’ Explain this to me.
-I’ve also learned that people are still having slumber parties. Are people building pillow forts and not telling me? Buster ass move.
-End of the ceremony, ripped through that thing.

J&S Nuptials (part 2) was unbuster. Keep coming back.