Fire Coffee

I get off the bus today and head towards Caribou Coffee. My typical coffee spot is 7-11 because they’ll sell you a gallon of coffee for $1.07 and all you have to do is deal with some aggressive panhandling outside; no big deal. However, right now it’s too cold to walk from 7-11 to the office. I’ll tell people that I’ve got no change but this weather is just a buster ass situation.

I get in line and can tell the person in front of me is going to have a dickhead order. If there are more than 6 words to your coffee order then you need to get hit with a sock full of pennies. Move your ass.

I notice that there are small slices of the breakfast sandwiches that Caribou is coming out with. I want a piece but I don’t take one; the cashier never mentions it. I know it’s very unlikely that there are just tiny pieces of sandwich for sale but I don’t want to risk getting called out for taking one when I’m not supposed to. Getting chastised by cashiers is buster.

Then I get the coffee and there are always two things to work out with the coffee. The first is room for cream. Personally, I laugh when the barista asks “room for cream?” because I think it could be a fairly solid pick up line at bars. I’m not asked today but it doesn’t matter because they’ve given me room which is smart; if you don’t give me the room then you’ve got coffee dumped into the trash can and liquids in the trash is a buster ass situation. The second thing to work on is the heat of the coffee. Every coffee place I go to needs to pump the brakes on their coffee cooking heat. I’m not a demon; I don’t like my coffee to be the temperature of the sun. I know that it requires heat to make the coffee but you guys are just going over the line. Now I’ve got to take the top off and let it sit for a few minutes which is a buster ass situation. How am I supposed to start my day? Answering e-mails? Go to hell.

Fire Coffee is buster. Keep coming back.