Doughy Pizza

I’m a big fan of cooking. My dad was always the cook in the house so I used to watch him while he worked over the stove. A lot of kids have memories of playing catch with their dad but not me. I remember watching my dad create red wine reduction sauces while he yelled at me for not paying attention during math tests. I forgot to make the fractions have a common denominator AND didn’t double check my work? Buster ass move, according to my dad. Long story short, I now enjoy cooking and can add fractions.

One of my favorite things to make is pizza and it’s because dough is the best thing ever created. “Oh, there’s so many complex carbs. Those take a while to burn off” True, but nobody forces you to eat 3,000 calories worth of bread, fatty. Guess what happens if you eat 3,000 calories worth of carrots a day? You’re still chunky and you smell like a pet store. Atkins diet is buster.

I was recently out on a shopping trip and bought a pizza stone. Pizza stones, if you aren’t familiar, are the second greatest thing ever created. It’s like having a brick oven in the condo.

I get the process going by letting the yeast and sugar have sex to make yeast gas baby children. That sounds weird, but it’s in the ball park of what happens. Then, after mixing in the flour I let the dough rise for about 90 minutes. Not letting dough rise long enough is buster. I remove the dough and it feels a little bit sticky but not too bad; I figure it’ll be fine once I get it onto the pizza stone which was a stupid move. I should have added more flour. I spread the dough and add the rest of the ingredients. Bacon + caramelized red onions + goat cheese = most unbuster pizza you’re ever going to find. Goat cheese is a wild card for 2011; that stuff just puts it on you and doesn't take it off. I take the pizza out after about 10 minutes and the bottom is stuck to the stone. Buster ass move. Girlfriend tries a piece. It’s not cooked all the way through so it’s way too doughy. I actually want God to kill me in the kitchen at this moment. I pop the pizza back into the oven for about 7 minutes to try and cook it a little more. It tastes better, but it’s still not great. I’ve got a doughy ass pizza and a dough covered pizza stone on my hands. Buster ass situation.

Doughy Pizza is buster. Keep coming back.