I’m at 7-11 this morning getting a 52 ounce coffee like I do every day. A lady in front of me leaves the cash register and heads towards the newspapers. Here’s what follows:
Cashier: “I didn’t charge you for a newspaper. Do you want one?”
Busy Lady: “I SAID Red Eye.”
Cashier: “I’m not sure if we have that.”
Busy Lady: “Could have told me that earlier instead of wasting my damn time.” Stomp towards the revolving door and exit. Scene.
Buster ass move. You really can’t bitch someone out for wasting your time when your preferred method of getting news is a free paper that takes 5 minutes to read cover to cover; you’re wasting your own time by even picking that thing up. The only reason to touch the Red Eye is if you’ve got absolutely nothing else to read on the bus because taking mass transit without reading material opens the door to making eye contact with strangers. Making eye contact with strangers can lead to some of the most buster situations imaginable. Ever lock eyes with the guy who’s riding the CTA drunk at 10 AM? Dude just attaches to you like one of those fish that live on sharks and spits incoherent rambling in your direction while the rest of the train pretends to not hear what’s going on. Lucky bastards.
Red Eye Bitchout was buster. Keep coming back.
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