OH MAMA

First post in a while covers the London trip:

-Rode The Tube (capitalized!) all over and even got too tipsy and worried about being on the wrong train just like I do in the states.
-I rarely go for parks but the one by me had ducks like a boss. Kids playing cricket all over. One of them looked like Bran Stark.
-Underdressed for at least 2 of the 9 work events. Good ratio for me.
-Fullers
-Cigarettes with a Romanian. You can't smoke in here, bro.
-Insurance things.
-Drinks outside with a hipster baby.
-Great sando back by the ladies old office. 'Chicken mayo' they call it but fuck me that's too honest. In America it's a salad as long as there's no ketchup.
-Train station. Where are the bagels?
-This weather is a problem.
-Edinburgh is pretty as hell. I think I gasped a few times.
-That being said, it could use a coat of paint up top.
-UGH, too many pints and pub foods and fuck that full length mirror. Major body issues in Edinburgh.
-If I can ever find that dog doctor picture, it's going up in the condo. I don't care if we have to break up over it. I mean, what kind of phone call is he taking? "Hello? No, I can't transfer you. I'm a dog."
-Train station. What the hell, are there no bagels?
-Inverness is pretty. Is Dougie in a motorcycle gang or wht's the score?
-Dogs running loose in the forest may be one of my favorite things.
-Damn, that's a big lake. Didn't see Nessie but my rock skipping game is on point.
-So wait, the castle was built in 1860? Nobody was scaling castle walls by then. That's a lie, in my mind.
-Where are the Scottish beers? I don't want a Corona.
-I'm cold.
-Train station. NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING BUN I WANT A BAGEL!
-York looks badddd assssss and I like the beers and the pies.
-Okay, if you aren't supposed to climb the city walls then they'd put up a sign. Lay off, bro.
-OHHH THESE BARS HAVE HISTORIC THINGS! And pints.
-I think, on average, 7 poops a day. No lie. I think I have nervous bowels.
-Something I didn't give a lot of thought to before I came, the chances of getting a haunted hotel room SKYROCKET when you go to England. I contemplated this in York because I was pretty sure a poltergeist was playing with the door.
-Train station again. I'm over your lack of bagels, Great Britain.
-Ugh, this rain is blowing up my spot.
-Whatever to that Brazilian place acting like a dick because we found the best British pub/Thai restaurant on the block. Unexpected.
-Walking in the rain just means more stops for pints.
-Selfies are harder then I thought.
-Virgin Atlantic lounge is the motherfucking TRUTH. Am I allowed to take these magazines? For free?
-BAGELS!

So now I'm blogging again. Crank it up, fuckers.