Car Ride

I’m driving down the street and I’m not 100% sure of where I’m going. All I know is that I need to drive somewhere and drop of my friend, Jimbo. Having to give rides is one of the more buster aspects of being friends with someone. Giving rides blows.

Then I look a little closer at Jimbo. Turns out that he’s a character from ‘The Simpsons.’ Hold up, brain. Not only are you going to force me to give some dude a ride in my dream but you’re gonna throw some part time character my way? Buster ass move. Granted, I don’t want to drive Bart because he’d be a pain in the ass but at least let me drive Barney to his AA meeting or something. Pick it up, brain.

Ride dream was buster. Keep coming back.

Murderstorm

If the reader isn’t already aware, I live in Chicago and we recently caught the tail end of a crazy ass winter storm which included something called “thunder snow.” That sounds like a made up term but apparently it’s real. You’re just gonna have weather that sounds like some kind of Tolkien creation running around here? Buster ass move. If anything from the LOTR trilogy is gonna show up it better be that dwarf guy. He can pound brews, I bet.

I’m at work on Tuesday and all day around the office we keep hearing about other places shutting shop at about 12 and cancelling work on Wednesday. However, where I work its business as usual; don’t worry about blood covered snow outside your window.

I bounce at 2 because it’s clear we’re about to get destroyed by the weather and I’m all about making executive decisions that require me to leave work early. The rest of my trip home was just a buster ass clinic. Crowded red line? Check. Tsunami winds with ice shards? Check. Walking single file in snow behind a girl who tops out at 2 mph? Check. That last one is the most buster move of them all. Where do you learn to walk like that? It’s impolite to walk that slow unless you were injured in WWII.

Murderstorm is buster. Keep coming back.

Surfing CTA

I watched a dude ride the bus today and he basically surfed the entire way. No joke. Instead of grabbing onto something he decides to just get into a full crouch and ride the 136 like he’s on a long board or something. I don’t get it: holding onto bus handles = GROSS! GERMS; surfing on bus and looking like a lunatic = reasonable solution. This city is goddamned bananas.

Surfing CTA is buster. Keep coming back.

Sushi Superbowl

Just grab one of the chefs and Yoshi from Shiroi Hana and set their ass up in the corner. Miso soup by the gallon. Spider rolls with enough wasabi to melt my eyeballs. Do me a favor and keep the ginger off of the plate because that stuff is terrible. “Ummm, the ginger cleanses your pallet.” Anyone who says they have a “pallet” is a dickface.

I’m going to spend the rest of the day looking at photos of the Black Eyed Peas and getting angry at their outfits. Jesus Christ with these outfits.

Sushi Superbowl is unbuster. Keep coming back.

Kabob

I was out getting lunch with a friend the other day and there was a special: beef, chicken, or pork kabobs. The sign was confusing because I thought you could have ALL beef, chicken, or pork but choose kabob form if you wanted. I don’t want a kabob, I only want beef.

Turns out this was a dream so I never got to ask whether or not I could have only beef. Even worse, remember that friend I mentioned? No face. Dead serious. I’m just eating some unwanted kabob with a no face? Buster ass move by my brain.

Kabob dream was buster. Keep coming back.

Jog

I’m on the treadmill this morning and I finish my workout. I make sure to wipe down the machine because people poop their pants if you don’t do that. Then I make sure to stretch and walk out of the room.

Then I wake up. I just had a dream that I was exercising. Not flying. Not underwater on a submarine. Jogging in my condo complex with WGN news blaring the background. Buster ass move by my brain.

Jog dream was buster. Keep coming back.

BOYSNIGHTOUT

There are a couple of friends in town this weekend so I go to meet them at the bar. Girlfriend can’t come because she’s had the flu for about a week. Weeklong flu is buster. Sick girlfriend + out of town friends = BOYSNIGHTOUT = cigarettes. Having a BOYSNIGHTOUT every so often is necessary because it reminds me how terrible I was at picking up women at the bar. “Have sex with me, please. How many drinks for your sex?” Probably less buster then the game I would typically spit when I was single.

Friend #1 lives in Madison, WI and was in town for a job interview. I’m a little fuzzy because there were beers but I’m pretty sure he said that he’d turn down a job if they made him shave his beard. If you need a beard that badly in order to define who you are then you’re about as buster as it gets. Nobody gives a shit about your beard, shave it. Friend #1 also told me that I need to post more often in order to read the blog. Bro, do you know how hard it is to come up with stuff to write? It’s not every day that a homeless guy takes a dump on the train so I can write about it. Unreachable expectations are buster.

Friend #2 lives in Boulder, CO and he likes riding his bicycle. I recently visited Friend #2 in Colorado and we ate chicken wings for 5 out of the 6 meals out there. Eating dark meat chicken wings covered in hot sauce non-stop for 3 days straight? Buster ass move, according to my stomach. Friend #2 was in town for a work event and he gave me his card. I don’t understand his job even though he’s explained it to me a bunch of times. It's something with robot medicine, I'm pretty sure.

Recap of the night: Gaslight = not buster. Faith & Whiskey = a little more buster then Gaslight but not bad; dude just slept in the bathroom for an hour. Beaumonts = I can’t even tell if this is buster because of beers. Irish exit from Beaumonts = not buster, standard operating procedure. California Pizza at 4 AM = goddamnit.

BOYSNIGHTOUT isn’t buster. Keep coming back.