Moving

I'm done with this site. www.hoodedsweats.tumblr.com is where the hotness goes now so check that site out. More GIFS of Buster Bluth.

Foodz

Do you think that the guy who came up with the idea for “Doritos Locos” tacos at Taco Bell consistently has good ideas or was that a one off? It seems like that idea came from the guy who never shuts the fuck up in meetings and this one time he had something that stuck.

“Larry, you had something to say?”

“FREE DRINKS WITH NO PURCHASE! ALWAYS FREE DRINKS!”

“No, Larry. That doesn’t make any sense financially.”

“MAKE EVERYONE WEAR SOMBREROS WHEN THEY COME INTO THE RESTAURANT!”

“Larry, we’re not going to do that and it’s borderline bad taste.”

“DORITO TACOS!”

“What?”

“TACO SHELLS MADE OUT OF DORITOS CHIPS!”

“Hmmm. Americans WILL eat just about anything and they already like Doritos. That’s a good one, Larry. I may think about that.”

“WHITES ONLY!”

“Get out, Larry.”

Groundhog Day (FOR DRUGS!)

One day that doesn’t matter at all. Obviously I’m going to do some crazy drug that I’d never touch in real life outside of the Groundhog Day universe. I’m obviously not going to name every fucking drug because that’s too long a process and I’m kind of a square so I don’t know them all. Here we go (WITH RANKINGS!):

-Heroin (2 out of 10) – I don’t like needles and it looks like a major bummer. Just shoot up and nod off for 6 hours? You don’t seem to be taking advantage of the Groundhog Day experience. 

-LSD (6 out of 10) – Strong possibility. Just run around the city and enjoy THE COLORS but later find out I really just laid on the floor and shit myself.

-PCP (4 out of 10) – The people I see on World Star Hip Hop seem to be having one hell of a time but I saw an episode of Cops where a dude on PCP ran through a fence and was just wrecking dicks. I don’t want to become King Koopa and fuck someone up even if it’s a do-over at the end of the day.

-Cocaine (7 out of 10) – Just FUCKING DANCE.

-Ecstasy (8 out of 10) – Just FUCKING DANCE WITH AN ERECTION.

-Weed (5 out of 10) – This doesn’t seem to be making full use of the day. Play video games, watch TV, and eat shitty all day? Bedtime by 10 PM? That doesn’t seem baller at all.

-Meth (6 out of 10) – Mostly because I want to figure out what it’s like to do a drug that will turn you into a zombie within a year. I bet it’s awesome.

So it looks like Ecstasy by a nose. If you ever see me solo dancing at some bar then just leave me alone. I’m trying to keep homeless guys from dying so I can bang Andie MacDowell. 

OH MAMA

First post in a while covers the London trip:

-Rode The Tube (capitalized!) all over and even got too tipsy and worried about being on the wrong train just like I do in the states.
-I rarely go for parks but the one by me had ducks like a boss. Kids playing cricket all over. One of them looked like Bran Stark.
-Underdressed for at least 2 of the 9 work events. Good ratio for me.
-Fullers
-Cigarettes with a Romanian. You can't smoke in here, bro.
-Insurance things.
-Drinks outside with a hipster baby.
-Great sando back by the ladies old office. 'Chicken mayo' they call it but fuck me that's too honest. In America it's a salad as long as there's no ketchup.
-Train station. Where are the bagels?
-This weather is a problem.
-Edinburgh is pretty as hell. I think I gasped a few times.
-That being said, it could use a coat of paint up top.
-UGH, too many pints and pub foods and fuck that full length mirror. Major body issues in Edinburgh.
-If I can ever find that dog doctor picture, it's going up in the condo. I don't care if we have to break up over it. I mean, what kind of phone call is he taking? "Hello? No, I can't transfer you. I'm a dog."
-Train station. What the hell, are there no bagels?
-Inverness is pretty. Is Dougie in a motorcycle gang or wht's the score?
-Dogs running loose in the forest may be one of my favorite things.
-Damn, that's a big lake. Didn't see Nessie but my rock skipping game is on point.
-So wait, the castle was built in 1860? Nobody was scaling castle walls by then. That's a lie, in my mind.
-Where are the Scottish beers? I don't want a Corona.
-I'm cold.
-Train station. NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING BUN I WANT A BAGEL!
-York looks badddd assssss and I like the beers and the pies.
-Okay, if you aren't supposed to climb the city walls then they'd put up a sign. Lay off, bro.
-OHHH THESE BARS HAVE HISTORIC THINGS! And pints.
-I think, on average, 7 poops a day. No lie. I think I have nervous bowels.
-Something I didn't give a lot of thought to before I came, the chances of getting a haunted hotel room SKYROCKET when you go to England. I contemplated this in York because I was pretty sure a poltergeist was playing with the door.
-Train station again. I'm over your lack of bagels, Great Britain.
-Ugh, this rain is blowing up my spot.
-Whatever to that Brazilian place acting like a dick because we found the best British pub/Thai restaurant on the block. Unexpected.
-Walking in the rain just means more stops for pints.
-Selfies are harder then I thought.
-Virgin Atlantic lounge is the motherfucking TRUTH. Am I allowed to take these magazines? For free?
-BAGELS!

So now I'm blogging again. Crank it up, fuckers.

"Yea"

Do you not understand that I don't want to have this conversation, bro?

"It's kinda weird that the bus always stops at a light right before it picks you up."
"Yea"
"Like when I'm down at Belmont and it (I wasn't listening to the rest of this. I think I was actually looking at the sidewalk) and it just drives by."
"Yea"

It's 11 degrees outside and I'm not into it. Just talk to your cat later or something.

SimCity Mayor

If SimCity is any indication, being mayor of a city is the easiest job in the world. Too much pollution? Put in a shit load of trees. Low property values? Just build lakes fucking EVERYWHERE so 90% of the houses are waterfront. Crazy amount of crime in some areas? Just bulldoze them and make them industrial parks. I’m a SimCity Republican like you wouldn’t believe. You think I have time to worry about your shitty neighborhood next to the industrial park? We just had a space monster wipe out have the city you fucking crybabies.

Dog Friends

Is it a positive when dogs like you? My uncle once told me that dogs are a good judge of character or something like that and he rides motorcycles and gave me a whittling knife one time for my birthday. Clearly, he’s pretty cool and if any of my relatives knew about the canine psyche it would be him. On the other hand, they eat their own shit and it’s possible they like you just because you smell like meat so I don’t know.